susan, susan, susan

Shakespeare In Love

[1998]

Starring:
Joseph Fiennes
Gwyneth Paltrow
Geoffrey Rush
Colin Firth

average rating: ★
~
performance: ★
screenplay: ★
plot/storyline: ★
cinematography: ★
~
Shakespearian Comedy from the Land of the Mentally Lame

Okay, I would like to start out with a big fat "WHAT THE HECK?" in the general direction of Judi Dench, Colin Firth, Tom Wilkonson & Imelda Stauton. Four of my favorite British actors, agreeing to act in this disaster of a comedy. Oh and let's throw Geoffrey Rush in the list too, because he was lovely in Pirates.

While on iTunes the other day (after watching Shakespeare), I chanced upon the cover of the movie in the rentals section, so I clicked on it, to see if other viewers disliked it as much as I. Um, I was wrong. The average rating was 4 and a half stars and there were over 200 reviews, most of which proclaiming that this was one of the most charming movies, la de da. If I had seen these reviews before watching the movie I'm sure I would have fell for them and been sorely disappointed, but instead I was just dumbstruck.

Shakespeare In Love was supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be cute. It was supposed to be slightly interesting. Nada. The story was about Shakespeare (Fiennes) who was trying to write a new play but had writer's block of sorts. So then he meets this Lady Viola or something (Paltrow) who is the most American of America's girls playing this British woman. They fall in love at first sight (oh joy) and he begins to randomly write Romeo and Juliet with the help of friends. But being a lowerclass playwright, he isn't allowed to be with poor Viola. But they meet again when Viola dresses as a boy (mustache and all) to try out for the part of Romeo in his play.

Most of the movie was play practice with Viola in a fake mustache/goatee deal, Shakespeare and Viola sleeping together and necking and all sorts of yumminess irrelevant to plottage or humor, and Shakespeare and Viola quoting Shakespeare. Very funny, huh? Other than that there was the lame villian of Colin Firth who was to marry Viola, Imelda Stauton as Viola's lame maid, Judi Dench as the lame (but frankly quite terrifying - but what's new?) Queen of England, and Ben Affleck as a lame self-centered actor in the play. Oh, and there was Tom Wilkonson as the lame man who paid for the plays, Geoffrey Rush as lame the theater-owner.

In fact, we never reached the end of the movie, it was so boring. It was plotless, only about five lines were laughable, and there really didn't seem like there was an end in sight, and if there was, it certainly wasn't promising.

Fin.

[poster courtesy of impawards.com]